Broken

The past few weeks have been incredibly tough to say the least. For those of you that haven’t heard Dad’s story, you can read about it here [The Young's Journey Home]. I have sometimes felt like I could repeat Dad's story over and over like a broken record. Other days I would rather just lock the door, talk to no one, and cry. I feel like my brain is programmed to reply, “He’s ok,” whenever someone asks how he’s doing now. It seems that I cannot make it through a single prayer or song of worship without tears flowing down my face. It just doesn't make sense that life must go on right now.

We did not go to church on Sunday because I was too worried I would not be able to hold it together. However, we did watch the service online. Our pastor held a special time of confession and prayer. He led everyone to write down requests and lay them at the altar to be prayed for by other members of our church family. Then he asked those that are struggling, those that are hurting, those that are dealing with sickness or loss to stand so that our church could specifically pray over them. And I realized, there are so many others in pain right now as well. This life is hard. The past few weeks have constantly been up and down. I have felt the excitement of one step forward followed directly by the kick in the gut of two steps back. The Lord continuously tells us in his word that it will not be easy. But until you truly face something that breaks your heart, you never have a chance to fully understand that. I have felt selfish for being so upset. I have found myself angry that I cannot seem to be encouragement for others right now. My brokenness has made others see the worst parts of me. I have felt like my tank is empty, and I'm running on the fumes of emotion. I sometimes feel like my joy is gone. And then- God speaks. Let go, and let Me hold you. My many car rides lately have contained these Amy Grant lyrics in addition to some sobbing and praise...

"We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody. Beautiful, the mess we are. Honest cries from breaking hearts are better than hallelujah."

Being broken doesn't make you weak. Let me say that again for my own sake, being broken does not make you weak. Tears can be a reflection of strength. Crying out to God in the middle of your misery makes you a WARRIOR! Honest cries from breaking hearts are better than hallelujah to Him! How wonderful is that news in the midst of sorrow! “Every tear I cry, You hold in Your hands. You’ve never left my side. Though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm.” God just wants us to be completely honest with Him. After all, we can’t fool him anyway. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). He wants us to fear the future. He wants us to doubt God’s plans. BUT God came so that we may have life to the full! We are allowed to be sad- Jesus wept. He understands the hurt and sorrow, and He desires for us to cling to Him in those moments. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted- we are never alone! Therefore, the Lord says that we are not allowed to worry. We must trust in Him. “I sought the Lord, and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fears.” –Psalm 34:4. It is wholly trusting in God when you have nothing else to hope in. When you literally have no other choice but to fall on your knees with open hands- that is when you realize that He is a GOOD Father, always. I have realized that I have to make a conscious decision every single day to choose joy! “The joy of the Lord is our strength.” -Nehemiah 8:10. Our God will never change- no matter the circumstances life has you in. The truths I am holding tightly in my grip right now are that God is who He says He is, and God can do what He says He can do. My God works miracles, and my God’s promises are true. I AM BELIEVING GOD!!

“Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh… Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in Heaven.’” –Luke 6:21 & 23

A Letter to First-Year Teachers

As I sit here now to write these words, the tears are already flowing. I cannot believe that my first year is over. It seems like just yesterday I was sweating bullets during open house while meeting parents. This has been one of the craziest, most difficult, yet most rewarding years of my life. Teachers are NOT lying when they tell you this is tough stuff! I have learned so much over the course of the year, and my time was filled with memories, lessons, tears, and laughter that I will take with me as I continue in this journey of teaching.  I’m sure there are plenty of letters and lessons that teachers could write as advice for those diving into this job, but I just wanted to share a few things I gathered along the way that I feel have been my most important lessons learned.

Ask for help- you will need it all the time! Don’t be too prideful to say that you don’t know how to do something. I found a few people who were always willing to answer my silly questions (and also learned those that were not). It was so nice to have people that were eager to sit down with me to help me learn to tackle something new because there was so much I did not know. Trust me, you are never out of questions.

Stand firm. Just because it is your first year teaching doesn’t mean you don’t know what you are doing. You went to school for this and probably learned a heck of a lot. You will not always be wrong, and others will come to you for help sometimes as well. If you come across people who try to make you feel inferior because you are new, stand firm. I was not good at this. I did not stand up for myself, I couldn’t tell someone else when I thought they were wrong, and I didn’t know how to tell someone no. I really don’t like conflict, so this was so hard for me. But I would get angry or upset often because I felt like I was letting someone else control what I was doing in my classroom. When honestly, I knew my plans could be even better. As Meghan Trainor would say, “I might be young, but I ain’t stupid.” J I knew what I was doing. It got better as the year went on, but trust me, I am still working on this one. No, you don’t always have to be right (there is a lot that I wasn’t right on through the year), but you also don’t always have to be wrong. If it’s your decision, you be the one to make it. Trust yourself, be confident, and do what you want to in YOUR classroom. After all, you are the teacher now!

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

Write your lesson plans in pencil. I learned this lesson about two weeks into the school year. Once I had scratched out so much that I had no more room to write the lesson plans that were actually going to take place, I decided it was best to stick with something that erases. There will always be extra things that come up unplanned, units that take longer than expected, students who miss something they needed, etc. Be ready and willing to switch it up and cope with the changes.

Don’t freak out. The stress is real, and there will be days when you feel like you’ll never be able to get it all done. Sometimes those “days” of stress turned into weeks for me, and it would literally make me sick. You will get frustrated, you will yell, and you will cry. It’s inevitable. But I had to learn to take a deep breathe in those times, prioritize, and rest assured that everything will work out. Time management was a big obstacle for me. The truth is that God WILL give us more than we can handle- that way we have no choice but to trust Him and rely on Him to get us through all things. It is a reminder of our need for Him daily.

“In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.” –Psalm 18:6

“I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” –Psalm 34:4

Don’t let criticizing parents tear you down. They won’t all like you or agree with you. I can’t even count the number of days I went home and cried (or couldn’t hold back the tears while I was still at school) because of a parent who thought that I was doing something wrong. I have now been yelled and cursed at- some parents can be really mean. But if you are working hard at your job and serving your students right, don’t doubt yourself. As Taylor Swift would advise you, “Shake it off! Shake it off!” J Keep your head up, and your dedication to their child will shine through.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” –Joshua 1:9

Pray for patience every morning. It won’t be easy. There were some days when my kids would drive me absolutely insane. There were days when I found myself mid-day thinking “holy cow, I need to chill,” because I had been frustrated and snappy with my kids.  I literally began to pray for patience every morning on my drive to school. “Better a patient person than a warrior…” –Proverbs 16:32. Patience is key. I put a note on my desk about halfway through the year as a reminder to ‘choose joy’ every day. It’s a struggle, but joyfulness leads to a delightful classroom.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” – Colossians 3:12

Remember that loving on your students is the most important part of your job. Everything else can wait. Sometimes I would get so wrapped up in emails and paperwork that I would completely ignore the “Miss Puwbiss” being called out five times from across the room or the story I was being told about something exciting from their weekend. Building relationships and a bond of trust with your kids is the best thing you can do for your classroom. Hearing “I luh you, Miss Puwbiss” over and over is the most fulfilling thing I can hear as a teacher. That is what’s important.

What you do matters. You will look back at the end of the year and truly realize all of the progress your kids have made. It’s hard to see those things in the midst of the chaos of every day, but the work is worth it. We call our students our kids because they become just that in our hearts.  When you are spending your time with them day in and day out, you form a bond and a love that is so special. When we accept Christ as our Savior, we are called to a life of greater purpose for His glory. “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands…” –Psalm 138:8. Your work is a form of worship to our God, so remind yourself of that daily. Glorify the Lord with the profession He has called you to, and He will bless you through it.

It won’t be easy, but it will all be worth it. Good luck, first-year teachers! And have fun!

"It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you. It's what you leave behind you when you go." -Randy Travis

Unchanging

Recently, my mind has been all over the place. I’ve had so much going on- changes, transitions, new school year, new activities, new time schedule, and then a broken into house. And I will honestly tell you that although some of these things came with excitement, ALL of them came with a bit of worry. My attitude from the past couple weeks has been one of increasing fear…

“This class is going to be impossible to make an A in.” “How am I going to have time to do all of this school work and still do other things?” “What about after graduation?” “Am I going to find a job?” “Where are Loren and I going to live?” “What about all the wedding details?” “Are people going to try and break into our house again?” “Did they see something else they want to come back for?” “Were they watching us when we left the house?” “What about all of the schoolwork I had on my old computer?” “What if we’re in the house when someone tries to come in?”

And then thankfully, the Lord took over. I was constantly reminded that “the Lord, our God, is ever faithful.” This period of waiting to see what the Lord has planned for the future is a time when I can draw even closer to Him. After all, that is what He desires. “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.” –Psalm 62:5. I need not worry about whether or not Loren and I will find a place to land because I trust in the Lord, and HE HAS A PLAN. I don’t need to stress over the details of schoolwork, graduation, and the wedding because I trust in the Lord, and HE HAS A PLAN. I should not be living in constant fear over another house break-in because I trust in the Lord, and HE HAS A PLAN.

“I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way.” –Mark 1:2

His plans for my life are so much better than anything I could come up with on my own, and I have seen evidence of that in so much of my life already! All worry, doubt, and fear can be pushed away because “the God of angel armies is always by my side!” How awesome is that?! How blessed am I?! And how blessed are you too if you can also rest in that assurance?!

So here in this time of waiting for whatever the Lord is going to do next, I can prepare myself. I am preparing for Him to tell me to move. Not move as in pack up and head to another country, but move as in taking a step of faith to the next thing He wants me to do. I am preparing for everything to come in my senior year at UGA, tough classes, interactions with my students, continued growing friendships, new friendships, campus ministries. I am preparing for a career, wherever it might be, that the Lord will be able to use me in bringing people closer to Him. I am preparing for marriage, trying to further understand what it looks like to be wife that fully supports and encourages her husband as they seek after the Lord together. So here’s some food for thought as this question was a big one for me… what are you preparing for? What are you spending time worrying about that you can be spending time in preparation for instead?

I’ll close in this- the Lord is unchanging. The promise is made in Hebrews 13:8, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” This is something I have to remind myself of constantly. I think my fear and worry of things derives from the fact that I lose sight of this truth. It is me that is changing and trying to plan out the things to come so precisely. The Lord is unchanging. He had a plan for my life yesterday, He has the same one today, and He will hold true to that great plan forever.

Lord, help me to always remember that you are ever-faithful and never-changing. You will not delay. You are my ever-present help in times of trouble. You are my refuge and strength always.

God bless you guys! Oh, and it's FINALLY gameday!! GO DAWGS!