Thursday, May 5, 2016

Dangerous Words

Dangerous words. Lyrics by Hillsong United. The most popular worship song of 2015 is a very meaningful cry to out God. It's about wanting to be in a place where you literally have no other choice but to trust him. It's about asking the Holy Spirit to lead you to a place much farther than your feet would ever set foot by your own choice. Every christian around the nation has been singing these words endlessly. But I have an honest question for you, brothers and sisters...

Do you really mean that? Do you really, truly want that?

I know that I didn't. Being outside of my comfort zone is one of the toughest things for me. I am extremely afraid of change, and I like very much to have a routine and act within those limits. I cannot count the number of times that I lifted my hands to the Lord as I sang these famous words. "Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me." But I never expected the pain, suffering, and fear that came along with the Lord fulfilling this request. If you are going to be in a position where you are trusting the Lord without any borders, you are almost always going to be in a place where you have no other choice. You see, as sinners, our hearts are not always 100% committed to where the Lord wants us at the moment- what we say, what we do, what we think. We aren't puppets. The Lord allows us to make our own choices, and even as a committed believer, we still mess up. So even though I continuously asked the Lord to "take me deeper than my feet could ever wander," I wasn't really ready to do that. But I asked, and he answered. When Dad has his accident back in December, I remember feeling completely helpless. No matter how much I wanted to, I could not do anything about the fact that he was paralyzed. The doctors were constantly telling us all of the things he wouldn't be able to do again, and there was nothing we could do about it. I had no choice in the matter, no way to fix anything, no path to make life normal again, and absolutely no borders on trusting in the Lord. The Lord had led me there. I asked him to take me into the great unknown, farther than I would ever dare to go myself. Y'all, I would have never in my lifetime asked for this much uncertainty. I have struggled for a long time with fear- in so many different ways. The last thing I wanted was to endure the greatest fear I have ever felt. But I had no other choice. Trusting wholly and completely in the Lord was the only option I had. There was no way that my sinful heart could twist this to give me even a little bit of worldly comfort. Knowing that my Savior is in control now and forever, and that this earth is just the slightest glimpse of eternity, that is where my hope lies. It’s being so uncomfortable with where you are (physically or emotionally) that you finally surrender to the fact that Jesus Christ is the one and only thing that can bring your heart peace. He is the only One that can save you from drowning. None but Jesus. And I never wish that kind of pain and unrest on anyone, but at the same time, I also kind of do.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:9-10

So I challenge you to think about this song of prayer that you’re singing. Are you ready for what this means? Do you honestly want the Lord to take you to this place? If you do- and I pray your heart gets there- be ready for a wild ride. A painful, difficult, fulfilling, rewarding, wild ride.

And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior…”

Thursday, January 14, 2016


The past few weeks have been incredibly tough to say the least. For those of you that haven’t heard Dad’s story, you can read about it here [The Young's Journey Home]. I have sometimes felt like I could repeat Dad's story over and over like a broken record. Other days I would rather just lock the door, talk to no one, and cry. I feel like my brain is programmed to reply, “He’s ok,” whenever someone asks how he’s doing now. It seems that I cannot make it through a single prayer or song of worship without tears flowing down my face. It just doesn't make sense that life must go on right now.

We did not go to church on Sunday because I was too worried I would not be able to hold it together. However, we did watch the service online. Our pastor held a special time of confession and prayer. He led everyone to write down requests and lay them at the altar to be prayed for by other members of our church family. Then he asked those that are struggling, those that are hurting, those that are dealing with sickness or loss to stand so that our church could specifically pray over them. And I realized, there are so many others in pain right now as well. This life is hard. The past few weeks have constantly been up and down. I have felt the excitement of one step forward followed directly by the kick in the gut of two steps back. The Lord continuously tells us in his word that it will not be easy. But until you truly face something that breaks your heart, you never have a chance to fully understand that. I have felt selfish for being so upset. I have found myself angry that I cannot seem to be encouragement for others right now. My brokenness has made others see the worst parts of me. I have felt like my tank is empty, and I'm running on the fumes of emotion. I sometimes feel like my joy is gone. And then- God speaks. Let go, and let Me hold you. My many car rides lately have contained these Amy Grant lyrics in addition to some sobbing and praise...

"We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody. Beautiful, the mess we are. Honest cries from breaking hearts are better than hallelujah."

Being broken doesn't make you weak. Let me say that again for my own sake, being broken does not make you weak. Tears can be a reflection of strength. Crying out to God in the middle of your misery makes you a WARRIOR! Honest cries from breaking hearts are better than hallelujah to Him! How wonderful is that news in the midst of sorrow! “Every tear I cry, You hold in Your hands. You’ve never left my side. Though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm.” God just wants us to be completely honest with Him. After all, we can’t fool him anyway. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). He wants us to fear the future. He wants us to doubt God’s plans. BUT God came so that we may have life to the full! We are allowed to be sad- Jesus wept. He understands the hurt and sorrow, and He desires for us to cling to Him in those moments. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted- we are never alone! Therefore, the Lord says that we are not allowed to worry. We must trust in Him. “I sought the Lord, and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fears.” –Psalm 34:4. It is wholly trusting in God when you have nothing else to hope in. When you literally have no other choice but to fall on your knees with open hands- that is when you realize that He is a GOOD Father, always. I have realized that I have to make a conscious decision every single day to choose joy! “The joy of the Lord is our strength.” -Nehemiah 8:10. Our God will never change- no matter the circumstances life has you in. The truths I am holding tightly in my grip right now are that God is who He says He is, and God can do what He says He can do. My God works miracles, and my God’s promises are true. I AM BELIEVING GOD!!

“Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh… Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in Heaven.’” –Luke 6:21 & 23